edditt--
Area 1
Name:
Age:
Height:
Weight if u want
Single or Taken:
Would You Date Me:
Area 2
What would you do if I...
I made a move on u:
I kissed you:
I lived next door to you:
I started smoking:
I asked you on a date:
I was hospitalized:
I ran away from home:
I got into a fight and you weren't there?
I asked u out?
Area 3
What do you think about my...
Personality:
Eyes:
Hair:
Body:
Area 4
Have you ever....
Lied to make me feel better?
Wanted to kiss me?
Wanted to kill me?
Broke my heart?
Kept something important from me?
Area 5
"X" marks the spot
[]Kiss me..
[]Hug me..
[]Date me..
[]Kill me..
[]Love me..
[]Hate me..
[]Hold me..
[]Lie to me..
[]Hurt me..
[]Sing with me..
[]Dance with me..
[]Grind with me..
[]Cuddle with me..
[]Let me make a move on you..
[]Make a move on me..
[]Watch a movie with me..
[]Get me a B-day gift..
[]Let me borrow your car..
[]Be there for me..
[]Bring me around your friends..
[]Give me a massage..
[]Drink kool-aid with me..
[]Take advantage of me..
[]Hangout with me...
[]Take care of me if I wasn't feeling good..
[]Hold hands with me..
[]Do something incredibly sweet for me..
[]tell me you love me..
[]call me
PLEASE fill it out!!! <3
done with this........ comment tho cause
I will comment back and make updates
every one in awhile maybe.
--Goodbye At Last--
Saying goodbye is never easy.
It is the hardest thing to do.
But what hurts even more
Is not having the chance to say it to you.
Yesterday is a memory
Our laughter was sunny and bright
The clouds started to gather...
For you were no where in sight.
You were my first real love
And this I will never forget
How you left without warning
No goodbyes, my only regret.
Wherever I may be now
Always searching for another so true
To place my world of emotion
Hanging my love to someone like you.
If again I must go there
And experience all the pain.
I would do it in a minute
For all the good I would gain.
No matter what my wrongs
You offered only love
Until the day you left me
For your new home up above
I know you are still with me.
Your love is within my heart
Though life is no longer present
Our souls will never part.
This is given to you in honor
of all that we did share
I just wanted you to know
How much I truly do care.
Goodbyes
Why me...why?
All my friends have gone
They are moving on.
Leaving me behind and alone
I tried to be strong
I tried holding on.
I tried so hard
I can't stand this.
Why did they have to go?
Leaving me to deal with the pain alone.
There is just to much.
I don't know what to do.
How can I live my life without you?
If only it had been me and not you.
I could have saved you.
There is so much I should of said.
You broke your promises to me!
Your promise to never leave
Your promise to never hurt me.
What did I do to deserve this pain?
I live this nightmare each and every day.
I don't know what to say.
It so hard for me to say goodbye
To finally believe you are dead.
It brings me so much dread.
To finally say those words.....
Goodbye.
A December Nightmare.
I sit in that uncomfortable waiting room chair dreading the news the doctors bear. This is it...the final straw.
How am I to pretend that nothing is wrong? If I were to go on like the old me I would be living one big lie. It has become so hard since that night, the night that began it all. The night that marks the change in my entire view on life forever.
November 20, 2005
Aaron and Kade were driving to the movies when a man ran a red light. Aaron swerved and avoiding the passing car he went head on into the light pole at 70 mph. They were both rushed to covenant for medical treatment. Kade was released with minor injuries and a broken wrist. Aaron, however, was not as lucky. He suffered from a broken arm, broken ribs and internal bleeding. On the morning of November 25 Aaron under went a serious internal surgery. The bleeding was stopped but unfortunately Aaron did not bounce back as was hoped for. On the 27th, two days after the operation, Aaron woke up to find he wouldn't make it through the night. At midnight his mom called me to tell me that he was awake and that he wanted to talk to me. She didn't even hint to me that tonight would be his last. We talked about everything that had been going on at school and just in my life. We had been talking for about four hours when he suddenly asked me to promise him some things. I of course agreed and asked him what they were. He said, "To never forget about me. That we will always be friends. That You wont let anyone take my place in your heart. And last that You wont let this hurt you to much, that you will stay strong and keep the faith!" I promised to it all knowing what was happening. Aaron, my best friend was dying and he was saying his goodbyes. As much as it hurt I didn't let it show in my voice how much this was killing me. Within an hour of hanging up with him and saying my final goodbye my phone rang. At that instant my heart dropped. I knew it was coming but nothing could have prepared me for it. I answered on the third ring and I automatically regretted it. "Honey he is gone".... those were the words the ruined my world... the words that told me it was really over. I hung up and just cried. I didn't know what else to do. I had no one to turn to and I had no one to talk to. I had never felt so alone, I felt like I had nothing. I remember thinking I could never possibly feel any worse then I did that minute. I couldn't imagine a worse feeling.
I told one person about what was going on. I don't know I could just talk to him and he would listen and feel my pain. I felt like he knew more about my emotions then I did. I think I connected with him so well because he was just like Aaron. When I was around him it felt like Aaron was still with me.
A month had gone by and I was slowly getting back to my old self. Myself, where I didn't cry every time I heard a certain song or saw a picture or note. It was hard but it was getting easier. I felt like I could move on with my life. Which is why when Jake asked me out I automatically agreed. We had been going out when the accident happened and we broke up because I just didn't want to be with anyone. We started dating and I loved every second I spent with him. He made me so happy and I felt safe... safer then I ever had. He knew when to make me laugh and when to just let me cry on his shoulder. He never left me alone when I was down and he promised me he would never hurt or leave me. I should have known... I shouldn't have let myself get so close....
January 5, 2006
Jake and I had just got home from lunch at rosas and just hanging out, while siting in my drive way saying goodbye he looked at me and smiled. I asked him what? Then suddenly he asked if I would like to go to Prom with him. I was stunned I of course agreed. We were talking about Prom when he looked away and when I asked him what was up, he just said he had to go to slaton the next day so we couldn't go to the movie like we had planned. I just said, "okay whatever that's fine", I gave him a quick kiss goodbye and hopped out of his truck. Truth was it wasn't fine but I didn't want to get in a fight so I just let it slide. Later that night I was just sitting down to do my homework when my cell phone started ringing but I really didn't want to get up and answer it so I just left it alone. About 15 minutes later I noticed I had a voicemail I picked up my phone to listen and I heard it was candice. She was crying and I couldn't really understand what she was saying. All I got out of it was wreck, UMC, and hurry. I knew right then that this wasn't going to end well. I rushed over to the hospital and when I reached the lobby I spotted Jake's parents right off. I just kept thinking oh, no not again. I just got over Aaron's death. I can't go through this again. As I drew nearer I saw both Jakes parents and Kenzi were crying. I didn't even have time to ask what had happened when a doctor covered in blood walked into the waiting room and beckoned us to follow. He sat us down in an empty room and began his sermon. I tuned most everything out. I didn't want to hear what I knew he was about to say. "...I am sorry to say, your son has severe internal bleeding....". "Oh God please don't let this be happening to me again... why me...?" It made me sick to even think that the doctor was wearing Jakes blood. Jakes parents went in and saw him then Kenzi... at last it was my turn. I hadn't even stepped through the door when I broke down and couldn't believe my eyes. "This guys in the bed looked so weak and helpless... this couldn't be my Jake". I knew it was as soon as he reached for my hand and asked me to lay down with him. He looked at me with those bright blue eyes which were now dull with pain and fright. "I am sorry Kels! I broke my promises to you". I couldn't believe this he is here dying and he is apologizing to me?. He just kept on to say," I promised you I would never leave or hurt you. Please just lay with me... I don't want to be alone." We just laid together, holding each other in silence. I didn't understand why I had to lose him. After about three hours of laying there he looked at me and said," I love you girl. Please don't cry anymore. This isn't goodbye its a see you later. I will be with you always." At that he wiped my tears away and gave me one final kiss. I laid me head on his heart to get closer to him. Ten minutes later I felt his breath faultier, "Oh no, not now, not yet." I needed more time with him. Soon after he was gone.
Present Day
I miss Aaron and Jake each and every day. They were my best friends and they meant the world to me. As time goes on it all gets easier. Yeah I miss them more each and every day but I know they are in a better place and that they are watching over me. With going through this challenge I have taken a giant leap for the best. I have learned so much about life, myself and even who my true friends are. Not everything helps you for the best but in this case it helped. These incidents changed my view not only on friendships but on life in itself.
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